Does He Know?
How can he sleep at night?
He must not know—
He must think I’m doing well
That it’s well with my soul.
But does he know?
Does he know the countless hours
Of sleep I’ve been deprived of?
Having to struggle under the covers,
With my eyes sown shut—
Just to wait for sleep to find me,
Sometimes hours and hours later?
All the time retracing memories and nightmares,
Like a bad cd, repeating an awful clip.
Does he know the meals I’ve missed?
With an aching stomach, longing to be fed,
But as soon as it’s in my sight,
My stomach closes off and my throat shuts.
Does he know the gallons of tears that have left my eyes,
Within the last month and a half?
Does he know how many tubs I could have filled
With my anguish?
How can he sleep at night,
If he knows that he has ruined my life-
After telling me of the respect he had for us?
How can he live with himself,
Knowing that because of his impulse,
A “friend” who shared his stage—
Has experienced the most excruciating pain
Even more creative by demons
Than thought possible by me?
And you...
The betrayal and lies,
Just to turn around and cancel out everything
You have ever lived by...
How can you sleep at night?
Knowing the one you loved—
And who loved you with everything he ever had
Is in despair from your betrayal?
You stole everything from me
And with the trust I had for you,
I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust again.
He has not said a word,
In a month in a half, he has not said one word.
How can any of your friends have any respect for you?
How can any of your friends support you?
They all knew me.
They all knew how much I loved you.
They all knew that I would have given my life
A thousand times over for you-
And you take that, and give it to the one,
The one I always feared,
The one you reassured would never break us—
You filthy master of deceit
You are a fox who sits and lures in,
Only to kill and feast for yourself.
How do you-
How does he-
Sleep. Ever?
And you must have since then..
You must not know
He must not know.
Surely morality would not allow sleep, if you knew what I have gone through.
He must not know—
He must think I’m doing well
That it’s well with my soul.
But does he know?
Does he know the countless hours
Of sleep I’ve been deprived of?
Having to struggle under the covers,
With my eyes sown shut—
Just to wait for sleep to find me,
Sometimes hours and hours later?
All the time retracing memories and nightmares,
Like a bad cd, repeating an awful clip.
Does he know the meals I’ve missed?
With an aching stomach, longing to be fed,
But as soon as it’s in my sight,
My stomach closes off and my throat shuts.
Does he know the gallons of tears that have left my eyes,
Within the last month and a half?
Does he know how many tubs I could have filled
With my anguish?
How can he sleep at night,
If he knows that he has ruined my life-
After telling me of the respect he had for us?
How can he live with himself,
Knowing that because of his impulse,
A “friend” who shared his stage—
Has experienced the most excruciating pain
Even more creative by demons
Than thought possible by me?
And you...
The betrayal and lies,
Just to turn around and cancel out everything
You have ever lived by...
How can you sleep at night?
Knowing the one you loved—
And who loved you with everything he ever had
Is in despair from your betrayal?
You stole everything from me
And with the trust I had for you,
I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust again.
He has not said a word,
In a month in a half, he has not said one word.
How can any of your friends have any respect for you?
How can any of your friends support you?
They all knew me.
They all knew how much I loved you.
They all knew that I would have given my life
A thousand times over for you-
And you take that, and give it to the one,
The one I always feared,
The one you reassured would never break us—
You filthy master of deceit
You are a fox who sits and lures in,
Only to kill and feast for yourself.
How do you-
How does he-
Sleep. Ever?
And you must have since then..
You must not know
He must not know.
Surely morality would not allow sleep, if you knew what I have gone through.
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