Neverland

Lord, how can you call me to lead when I can't hold my own? And when I write that I see my flawed logic. I can never hold my own; Lord hold me up. I am a filthy sinner, and I shouldn't teach or lead, but I'm called to. I sin over and over, and when I ask for forgiveness and do it again, I'm so foolish! I know that only guilt comes, but again and again I disobey you. Lord hold me up, you are my strong tower. You are my fortress and my shield, help me to take refuge in You. Help me to abide in You, when I talk about it so much. Thank you for saving my life from eternal despair and separation from You. I don't deserve Your grace, but You want me to take it. Thank You for always welcoming me back in with open arms after I run away from You. Your love never fails, and I am your prodigal son. It must get frustrating to watch me, but in the end, I always run back to You. Thank You

I guess it's been a while since I was "depressed" And I guess that's why I'm posting on my blog... I hate using that word, because I know there are many people out there Who actually know real depression and have a good reason for it. I have everything I have the most perfect girlfriend, my dream school right in front of me, amazing friends, and the most faithful God. Izzy knows that I don't do well when I'm not around other people and I'm thinking. Since Alex moved, and Emily's busy, and Nick and I don't hang out, and Payton lives in Wylie, and seniors are busy, I don't have people to put myself around so that I can stop thinking. I just need to work. And work. And work. I say that I don't have as much school, but maybe that's why I have bad grades. But shouldn't I value my involvement in church above school? I could be studying this weekend, but I won't Shouldn't that be a good thing? Not today

And there's nobody I can talk to at 12:30 in the morning, but I need to But also, I can't afford to be tired tomorrow And I can't sleep, And I can't scream, And I can't go outside. And I might pass out tomorrow, but please this time, Can I just stay for a while? I don't want to do this presentation I don't want to take another test I don't want to work to bring up my grade I don't want to deal with people I don't want to go to the bank I want to skip to the good part But what if it's just an illusion? What if there is no good part? What if it all just seems better, but when you get to it, it sucks? Cause that's how my life has been so far. The grass is always greener on the other side, But that's because the farmer uses a ton of pesticides and chemicals So when you actually eat the grass, It ends up killing you from the inside And by that point, you jumped the fence, Your farmer hates you because you abandoned hi

And you! Who do you think you are?  What have I done to hurt your oh so precious feelings? Step up! You're no leader! You don't get it How can you think I'm in the wrong? All that I've ever done is for the group All that I've ever done is for the church And you think I'm out to get you Lose your pride  Stop jumping to conclusions and see in color Not everything is always the way you think There's reason, but you've never tried to see it You're blinded by your fake kindness You're doing nobody good You're killing the point Take responsibility if you really think you should

You aren't God This isn't a take what you can get relationship A friendship tries A friendship answers I called you faithful but you constantly ignore me  I called you faithful and you constantly put me off Everyone is busy, don't put yourself above everyone else I wait for weeks and weeks and you have not started I wait for weeks and weeks and you haven't tried But you expect me to drop everything I have for you?  Every time we talk, you act like you care so much But you will never do anything! How am I supposed to trust you? I look up to you, but how would you feel if I treated you the way you treat me? I know everyone always wants you, and you feel like everyone steals your time,  But if you're going to call me one of your closest friends,  You have to find one of those 24 hours.  I know you're in school, I know you're a busy man,  but respond to me.  You will have me over when I need you, but when I get there, I'll w

I don't know if you can see this, from where you are and I really hope I know- where you are but from where I am, it's hard to look back and say "I'm glad." I remember your love for me I think that's why I loved you so much I didn't know you too well, but you were my hero I wonder, if you were still here, would you be proud of me? Would you like my music, and my ruckus? That was one of the most devastating moments of my life... I needed you there. The look on my mother's face as I was playing in the foyer and I didn't have to guess Why did you just give up? You missed out on at least three grandchildren You'll never know The last time I saw you was at a wedding, but from that event there's now two babies Why did you just give up? I wish you would come and call me Josephito Pop-pop, are there white tigers in heaven?