Neverland

“Wondering was she really here? Is the standing in my room? No she’s not. Cause she’s gone gone gone gone, gone.” John Mayer

How can he sleep at night? He must not know— He must think I’m doing well That it’s well with my soul. But does he know? Does he know the countless hours Of sleep I’ve been deprived of? Having to struggle under the covers, With my eyes sown shut— Just to wait for sleep to find me, Sometimes hours and hours later? All the time retracing memories and nightmares, Like a bad cd, repeating an awful clip. Does he know the meals I’ve missed? With an aching stomach, longing to be fed, But as soon as it’s in my sight, My stomach closes off and my throat shuts. Does he know the gallons of tears that have left my eyes, Within the last month and a half? Does he know how many tubs I could have filled With my anguish? How can he sleep at night, If he knows that he has ruined my life- After telling me of the respect he had for us? How can he live with himself, Knowing that because of his impulse, A “friend” who shared his stage— Has experienced the most excruciating pain E...

SO DONT FALL IN LOVE THERES JUST TOO MUCH TO LOSE IF YOURE GIVEN THE CHOICES IM BEGGING YOU CHOOSE TO WALK AWAY WALK AWAY DONT LET HER GET YOU I CANT BARE TO SEE THE SAME HAPPEN TO YOU Son I’m only telling you this because life can do terrible Terrible Terrible Terrible things

You said I’m doing everything right You said I’m doing nothing wrong But I’m the one who gets to experience utter heart break? Don’t worry my hands are still shaking, You didn’t stop that When I saw you on the road I thought I’d get in a wreck I shouldn’t have read, that was a mistake But if you ever see this you’re doing the same. “Our Guatemala”?? What happened to you? While you were away I didn’t know what to do I can’t sleep any more, I deal with this alone At 3 in the morning I’m battling ghosts. I can’t look any more, around in any store When I walk into target you might be around the corner Your hand in his hand on your very first date And you’re there because nobody’s back at your place I’m glad the sky’s not a cage I’m glad you can fly now Now that you’re finally free from whatever I must have put you through You told me you would love me forever You told me you love me most infinity You said that I’m all you think about You said that you wanted to marry ...

I really thought there was going to be a happy ending. This book represents everything I fear in life. 0/10, wouldn’t reccomend.

“It was like falling from somewhere high up and breaking in half, and only one person having the secret to the puzzle of putting her back together.”

I pulled off my scab tonight... it hurts really bad and it’s bleeding a lot, but I think it might heal quicker. I don’t know how long it might have taken if I had left the scab. Injuries are weird like that, I guess.

I miss my best friend

‘“You love me,’ [I] said. ‘That’s enough. We love each other.’ ‘Yes. Yes, that’s true.’ He smiled. ‘We are a love story.’”

What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near?

What is depression but a state of mind? An admittance that the enemy seems to have an upper hand? I am not depressed. I am thriving in the knowledge that the Lord has a plan for me. That the outcome of my life is not dependent on my emotional state, But the simple fact that God has my life in his hands. So I will keep living for Him, strong and courageous Even when things don’t seem to be going my way, They are going God’s way, because I am staying faithful I know that the Lord has the power to take this cup But even if He doesn’t, my hope is Him alone I know that the Lord has the power to take my suffering, But even if He doesn’t, my hope is Him alone I know that the Lord will bend me but not break me, But even if He does, my hope is Him alone I know that if I have nothing else, I have everything in Christ Jesus And I will cling to him until my final breath. So depression has no hold on me Fear has no hold on me Death has no hold on me Because I am strong through t...

The sun is so hot. It burns my shoulders as I march like a soldier in the crowd of teenagers. It’s hotter than it should, however, because I’m wearing the only nice shirt I have. It’s a black dress shirt and it has a few holes in it. I have it rolled up to my elbows. Despite the dirt on my face, this is the nicest I have looked since my mother’s funeral. I don’t know why I am dressed up. My father persisted and it’s hard to argue against him. Apparently we have to look good just in case our life ends in front of everyone. I’m shorter than most people in this crowd, but I peek through a hole to see poor Malachi.. he’a in my grade but he’s underdeveloped. His family is even more worse off than mine so he doesn’t get fed but every once in a while. I’d call him my friend, but he never speaks... so we haven’t talked. For some reason, there is always a silent greeting between us, but I’m not positive he knows my name. As we approach the town square, the stage with its deep black stain seem...

I don't want to look at anything else, I don't want to hear anything else, I don't want to think about anything else, other than my nature. I sit on my log by the stream. It's my place. On days full of stress, days of hunger, days of sickness, and especially a day like this, I come here and pretend I were just part of the nature. I don't know if I will have food to eat today, I don't know if my older brother will get chosen to die today, but if I sit here and look at the little ripples in the water when the minnows peck on the pollen that falls from the bushes, it might almost seem like I'm in another world for just a minute. The shade from the the trees moves around as the wind blows on the surface of the stream and when the leaves fall at the same time it looks like dancing people. I just wish I could be that happy. I am thirteen years old and I live in a place called Sector 12. There are only twelve sectors in all, but we happen to be the worst off. Not...

Can you lend me some of that free spirit, Peter? Can you give me some of your joy? Do you have any spare carelessness? What happened to playing with toys? Sitting on the carpet floor playing with action figures, Making a junkyard of my legos, Counting stars with my little fingers, And thinking girls were gross... 200 words, 400 words, 800 words, 1,400 words, Get me to 2,000... What am I saying?

I remember that first morning,  We walked around, my fingers laced in yours.  The trees stopped us so we turned around,  and found perfect spot for our butts on the dirt. Over looking the lake, the water coming up a few feet in front of us,  Romans One, Romans Two, Romans Three We counted down the minutes until we arrived back at the doorstep And there we were the next morning, at 9:30. 

I wish I could go back to being the boy Who wore basketball jerseys and gave you joy. The one where I'd say something and you'd think it was great And go home and write about it in the journal you made. The boy that you admired and it wasn't dramatic love stuff, But you saw me once a week and that was enough. So I could experience it again, the best time of my life: Falling in love with you for the very first time. Doing stupid things to impress you, which I think you secretly know Swept you off your feet when I reenacted those asdf videos. When all of our friends hadn't taken it all, The crushes, the relationships, the drama, the fall, When you and me seemed like a possibility One that I'd fight tirelessly to achieve. When you'd predict what I was thinking and you'd keep it quiet And giggle to yourself when I finally caught onto it. Oh, how things were different then, But I still try to be your Peter Pan

Your Glorious Grace surrounds me, I am joyful in the life that You give. I am thankful for the air that I breath, But if You ever decide you need me up there, take me away, God. If I need to stay on this earth to fulfill your purpose for my life, give me the strength and work through me. If that purpose is finished, I will not be afraid. Be with my family and my dear friends, continue to shape their lives. Continue to show my friend your love, Continue to bring him to you. Continue to show him true satisfaction, and continue to give him rest. I pray for your most beautiful gift to me, I thank you for what You have done through her, In my life, in many other's lives, and I pray that you give her joy. You are in control and we praise you for that truth.

Sometimes I wonder.. If you could get rid of every memory you have of me and never see me again, forgetting my existence,  would you?

A yellow brick road leads to a mansion where sunflower seeds begin to grow And on the porch- steps to the storehouse of all the things I'll ever do Sunflower Memories

Ok so I felt like this needed to be posted just because everything is so amazing. I had such an amazing day today because I realized how important real talk is to me. Conversations with people and hearing people's hearts. After talking on the phone with my dearest friend for three hours, I found myself wandering downstairs where I heard a drill-like sound. I opened the back door and saw my father standing there with a black nike jacket with the sleeves rolled up close to his elbows. He was standing with a rod in his hands, pushing it gently on a spinning rounded block of wood. His earbuds were in, and as I walked out he took out his phone and paused the audio book that he was listening to. He asked me how my day was and we just started talking. He told me about why he wanted to become an Emergency Medical doctor, and he told me about how he saw me doing anything I wanted to do. He talked and talked, all the while sharing his wisdom and I realized that my father is the greatest ph...