Nightmares

I watch. I'm just out of arms reach. She falls. It's over. Tears streaming. I'm screaming. I see her eyes beaming. The next moment she's gone. I could have saved her, but it's all my fault. I could have forgave her, and it's all my fault. There's no going back. I can't do anything. I have to move on. I have to breath. Keep breathing. Be strong. For her. Be strong for her siblings and her parents. Be strong for my siblings and my parents. But now I'm dressed in black. Screens play pictures. Screens show clips. People lined up. People whined up. People cry. People sigh. Someone talks. Words passing through ears. I don't believe anything. I don't believe anything. She's here somewhere. She's got to be. She is. Her body lay still. White skin. Pale lips. Closed eyes. My wet eyes. They cling to the sight of her. But as the tears wash over my vision my vision of her fades. Just like the moment she fell. And in one moment everything goes black. And I'm screaming. I see myself there screaming. She's not there. She's in a better place. But she's not here. She never will be ever again. And I didn't fix it. I didn't fix anything. And she never will be here ever again. I could go. But I have to be strong. I see myself screaming again. I'm kneeling in the yard. Her stone marks her glorious years lived. She looked even more beautiful now. All those memories. All those days. All those moments. I should have spent them better. And I'm screaming. Nobody can hear me, so I cry. I cry my lungs out because she was the world. And the world ended. My world ended. And everything goes black. But no. Not everything. The color just left. All the color left when it happened. Everything good left. Everything happy left. I can't live like this. I think of her every second of every hour of every day. And she's gone. Forever. Forever. And I wake. And I'm still crying because it is so horrible. She's okay. She's okay. I'm okay.